Thursday, January 31, 2013

Love!!!!!! It's Somewhat Over Rated!!!!!

My name is Tominwa (Not real name). I was born into a very rich home as some would say, with a silverspoon. I was a really sickly child, so much that i was the only one amongst my siblings who didn’t go to boarding school. I was closely monitored and kept under supervision at home. My dad was a very busy man as he sat atop a booming shipping business. He was a hard worker and he ensured his family lacked nothing. My mum on the other hand- a very good, kind hearted woman was a globe trotter but in between her many trips round the world she managed to squeeze in time for her kids. I must have been a damp in her plans, since i was at home instead of boarding school, with all my health issues, it greatly affected her travelling spree.
My health issues decreased as i grew and in a matter of years, i had grown into this beautiful bubbly young lady. Did i forget to mention that i am the last and only girl amongst four boys, so i was pampered and spoilt. My parents, still being a bit apprehensive and cautious of my health issues were reluctant to send me overseas for my tertiary institution despite the fact that all my siblings were already settled in the UK in their various schools. My parents made up for this  as i lived the life of a princess, drove to school in different cars, took vacations abroad – France, Uk, USA, Carribeans, name it, i was well travelled.
I was what you would call a big babe on campus and my grades were not bad at all. I lived the good life, yeah i did! I had a few relationships here and there, nothing too serious, i just wanted to have fun and live, a lot of the guys couldn’t keep up with my energy and always fizzled away with time. However in my final year in school, trouble started.
My dad had gotten involved in politics back home in our state, to cut a long story short, he was shot by unidentified gunmen on one of his many trips back to Lagos. He wasn’t killed but he had to be flown abroad for immediate medical attention. This was the beginning of our troubles. My father had been shot in the arm, a bullet was lodged in his spine, his arm was amputated and he became a vegetable, bed ridden. My mum left home to be by his side. The business was left in the hands of incompetent relatives, my dad’s bills were gulping millions and before we could comprehend, the shipping business had been grounded. All these happened within a year while i was in my final year in school.
My brothers were already working but were just finding their feet in the working class sector of a strange man’s land. They sent what they could but it wasn’t commensurate to what was required. In this entire struggle, my dad passed away. My mum was devastated, she never came back to Nigeria, she just moved in with one of my brothers, as if she dimmed the light in Nigeria. I the pampered, spoilt girl was left all alone in Nigeria. My first brother took over my welfare but i had to stay back in Nigeria to complete my education, i studied law, so i had law school and NYSC to contend with. Gone were all the Luxury, cars, clothes etc. I just had enough to live comfortably but i missed all the extras, all the pampering.
I had to stay with relatives when i finally finished from school but it wasn’t easy. I had to manage and be prudent, It was hell for me but the thought of joining my siblings in the UK after my NYSC kept me going. Encouraging words from my brother helped me. I found Christ in all of this and i found peace but deep down, a part of me still longed for my old life.
I got into the Law school in Abuja and had to move there. I settled in and life looked promising.
I met Tunde 3 months into Law school, i was actually waiting for a Taxi to go into town, when this good looking distinguished man in a Range Rover sport stopped in front of me. I paid him no attention at first but after series of pleas from him, i succumbed and got into the very comfortable car. I had been getting irritated waiting almost half an hour for a Taxi under the hot sun that seemed to be at the back of my neck. As soon i settled into the comfortable seat and the leather grazed my skin, memories of my old life came rushing back. It was so overwhelming that, for a while i fought back tears from my eyes. The man had started a conversation and i wasn’t even paying attention, i was deep in my thoughts and oblivious to the world around me. I was startled when i felt a hand under my chin and i felt my face being pulled up. It happened so fast that i didn’t have the time to blink back the tears that gathered in eyes. I tried to jerk my face but it was too late, i  found myself staring into a pair very brown eyes all etched with concern, this time i heard him speak and his voice was so comforting but laced with concern. He asked me what the matter was, that he had been asking me where i was heading for the past few minutes, when i didn’t respond, he had pulled over to the side of the road so he could talk when he noticed my tears. I do not want to delve too much into the details of that sunny afternoon, but that was how i met Tunde – the man i love with every pint of blood in my body.
Tunde became the father that i had lost, i spent every waking moment i could manage away from school with him. He brought me back to life, he spoilt me silly with gifts and lavished money on me. He bought me a car. When i was done with law school, we travelled together to the UK, where he met my mum and brothers. Tunde meant everything to me. We came back to Nigeria, so i could complete my NYSC. He used his means to ensure i stayed back in Abuja and i was posted to a good law firm in Garki for my primary assignment.
It only felt natural that i moved in with Tunde, all this while Tunde had never pressurized me for sex, he just loved and took care of me. I felt so cherished and loved that i quickly quenched the thoughts of relocation to the UK, my world was here in Nigeria. I felt Lucky.
Tunde proposed to me six months after we had been living together, men i didn’t even allow him to finish the question before i screamed YES. I felt on top of the world and couldn’t stop looking at the ring. I was in candy land, so that night when he approached me for sex, despite my faith, i did not put up any opposition, haba i thought to myself, he has tried, in all the months we had been together, he respected my stance. I wasn’t a virgin but it was a beautiful night for me and Tunde. We couldn’t get enough of each other. That night was a turning point for our relationship. Tunde used every opportunity he could get to make love to me. He would call me in the middle of the day at work, send the driver to pick me, he would take me in his office, or we would drive home, he had no reservations, we would be in a restaurant eating and he would drag me into the gents for sex. I was alarmed but the devil has a way of deceiving us, the voice said to me “he loves you and can’t get enough of you”. The sex was frequent and it soon began to tire me out, the guy was insatiable. We could make love 3times before morning on a week night and he would be up and ready in the morning.
I worried about this but i was too in love to care and 3 months after our sex life started, i discovered i was pregnant, Tunde was overjoyed. He told me we would have to commence our wedding plans in earnest before i started showing.
I am sure you are wondering what the problem with my life is then?
Wo oro po ninu iwe kobo! My hands are hurting from all this typing, i will continue tomorrow.

Tuesday, January 29, 2013

Marriage, a forever affair, are there limits?

A friend is experiencing this

I met my husband eight years ago in the most bizzare way. let me say, i am huge , really tall and big, not your everyday average pretty looking girl.Back then, my parents were a little too overbearing and protective. We were driven back and forth home to school (university oh). I never experienced the teenage boyfriend/ girlfriend moments, all these affected my psyche and confidence. As I got older and still the men were not forthcoming, I began to get worried and anxious, so much that I put up an advert seeking for love. I got a lot of responses from my adverts, to cut a long story short, I met the man I finally married through this ad thingy, bizzare right?

We were in love so much that, this is the first time I am admitting how we met despite my husband's express instructions not to reveal this. We got married despite the fact that my husband was not financially stable but I was comfortable, I had a good job and was from a rich home. Money was not an issue so his financial was not important. I practically sponsored my husband's master's programme in one of the country's most prestigious university. it wasn't cheap. I was happy to do all these because I loved him.

We took a lot of trips abroad on vacation, I bought him a car for his use. When he was done with his masters, I used my family's connection to get him a job in a blue chip company. It was just a matter of time before his financial status changed for the better.

All this while, there was no children between us, it was just the two of us living in a duplex in a highbrow location in Lagos. My husband was the every inch the loving husband, supportive, following me from one gynaecologist to the other, where we were assured that, we were both physically and medically okay to have children. I worried so much that I started losing weight that i couldn't lose during my youth, i took a good look at myself one day and i liked what i was seeing. I went out changed my wardrobe and got a total makeover. My confidence was taken up a notch, i felt more confident at work and even with my husband. A good thing you would say but that was the turning point for me. I lost myself in all the euphoria of the moment.

There was this younger guy at the office who i never even dared to dream about, he started paying me compliments on my looks (Gosh, he noticed me), my heart would beat excitedly every time i caught him staring. At an office party, alcohol in my system made me bolder, i danced with this guy flirtatiously and before the night was over, we had gone at each other at least thrice at a nearby motel. I felt remorseful for about a fleet of second. I couldn’t get enough of the guy, before long we were regulars at the motel.

I threw all cautions to the wind and let my heart creep into it, i fell hopelessly in love with this guy and i started seeing my husband in a new light, obese, balding uncouth guy who i chose because i thought couldn’t do better.

As you read this, i am four months pregnant for my lover, a pregnancy, my husband thinks is a miracle from God. I want to scream the truth at him, i really don’t care much for his feelings because i feel i have done a lot for him, raised him from grass to grace despite my parent’s objections initially. My pregnancy proves, he is the infertile one and i think he knew this but kept the truth from me. He probably knows the pregnancy is not his. Please don’t ask me how i know, i just know.

My dilemma is how do i leave him without creating a scandal, my parent’s will have a fit, our social circle, wow i will be a laughing stock, my pastor will be totally disappointed. I have thought severally of approaching my husband for a pay off (a huge one at that) that would enable him relocate and make it look like, he was the one that left.  I brought my husband into my world, now i want him out. I want to maintain my dignity but i want to be with my lover, everyday without him is total hell for me.

I hope desperation will not drive me to do something as extreme as poisoning my husband just to be rid of him. Please help me. I need to do something fast.

I don’t want lose my new found love.